American Memory

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

2008-10-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. '

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'

So - if you give her crap,

You will receive more shit than any one human being can handle

Love and appreciate all the women in your life.

Elementary, My Dear Watson

2008-10-29T00:43:00.000-07:00

Elementary, My Dear Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

Not going for a shit world record

2008-10-15T01:04:00.001-07:00

Not going for a shit world record
Whilst undergoing my Royal Navy basic training at HMS Raleigh in 1995 I acheived the impressive record of not going for a shit for 2 weeks 3 days. This was the base record at the time and Im pretty sure it hasnt yet been matched...Of course this, and the equally impressive fact that I totally failed to gain an erection for nearly 3 weeks, is mainly due to the amount of bromide put into trainee ratings food at the time

anyone else beat this??